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A client (who I'll phone call "Alex") asked me to assist him gear up to interview for a CEO role with a start-upwardly. It was the first time he had interviewed for the C-level, and when nosotros met, he was visibly agitated. I asked what was wrong, and he explained that he felt "paralyzed" past his fear of declining at the high-stakes meeting.

Digging deeper, I discovered that Alex'southward concern about the quality of his performance stemmed from a "setback" he had experienced and internalized while working at his previous company. As I listened to him depict the situation, it became articulate that the failure was related to his company and outside industry factors, rather than to any misstep on his part. Despite that fact, Alex could not shake the perception that he himself had not succeeded, even though in that location was nothing he could have logically done to anticipate or change this effect.

People are quick to blame themselves for failure, and companies hedge against it even if they pay lip service to the noble concept of trial and mistake. What can you exercise if you lot, like Alex, want to face your fearfulness of screwing upwardly and push beyond it to success? Hither are four steps you lot can take:

Redefine failure. Behind many fears is worry about doing something wrong, looking foolish, or not meeting expectations — in other words, fear of failure. By framing a situation you're dreading differently before you attempt it, you may be able to avoid some stress and anxiety.

Allow's become back to Alex every bit an example of how to execute this. Every bit he thought virtually his interview, he realized that his initial bar for failing the job — "not beingness hired for the position" — was peradventure too high given that he'd never been a CEO and had never previously tried for that top chore. Even if his interview went flawlessly, other factors might influence the hiring committee'south decision — such as predetermined preferences on the part of board members.

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Learning

  • Learning to Acquire

In coaching Alex through this arroyo, I encouraged him to redefine how he would view his performance in the interview. Was there a mode he might interpret it differently from the get-become and be more than open to signs of success, fifty-fifty if they were small? Could he, for instance, redefine failure as not being able to answer anyof the questions posed or receiving specific negative feedback? Could he redefine success every bit being able to respond each question to the best of his ability and receiving no criticisms well-nigh how he interviewed?

As it turned out, Alex did accelerate to the 2d round and was complimented on his preparedness. Ultimately, he did not become the chore. But because he had shifted his mindset and redefined what constituted failure and success, he was able to absorb the results of the feel more gracefully and with less angst than he had expected.

Fix arroyo goals (not avoidance goals) . Goals can be classified equally approach goals or avoidance goals based on whether you are motivated past wanting to attain a positive upshot or avoid an adverse one. Psychologists take found that creating approach goals, or positively reframing avoidance goals, is beneficial for well-being. When yous're dreading a tough task and expect it to be difficult and unpleasant, you may unconsciously set goals around what you don'tdesire to happen rather than what you do want.

Though nervous about the process, Alex'due south desire to get a CEO was an approach goal because it focused on what he wanted to achieve in his career rather than what he hoped to avoid. Although he didn't land the first CEO task he tried to get, he did not let that fact deter him from keeping that as his objective and getting back out there.

If Alex had instead become discouraged about the outcome of his outset C-level interview and decided to actively avoid the hurting of rejection by never vying for the top spot again, he would have shifted from approach to avoidance way. While developing an avoidance goal is a mutual response to a perceived failure, it's important to keep in mind the costs of doing so. Enquiry has shown that employees who take on an avoidance focus become twice as mentally fatigued as their approach-focused colleagues.

Create a "fear listing."Author and investor Tim Ferriss recommends "fear-setting," creating a checklist of what you lot are agape to practise and what you lot fearfulness volition happen if you do information technology. In his Ted Talk on the discipline, he shares how doing this enabled him to tackle some of his hardest challenges, resulting in some of his biggest successes.

I asked Alex to make 3 lists:  first, the worst-example scenarios if he bombed the interview; 2nd, things he could do to preclude the failure; and 3rd, in the event the flop occurred, what could he practice to repair it. Next, I asked him to write downwardly the benefits of the attempted effort and the toll of inaction. This exercise helped him realize that although he was anxious, walking away from the opportunity would be more harmful to his career in the long run.

Focus on learning. The chips aren't e'er going to autumn where you want them to — but if you sympathise that reality going in, you can be prepared to wring the about value out of the experience, no affair the upshot.

To return to Alex, he was able to recognize through the coaching procedure that being hyper-focused on his previous company's flop — and overestimating his part in it — caused him to panic about the CEO interview. When he shifted gears to focus not on his potential for failure but on what he would learn from competing at a college level than he had before, he stopped sweating that offset attempt and was able to see it as a steppingstone on a longer journeying to the CEO seat. With that mindset, he speedily pivoted away from his disappointment at not getting the offer to chop-chop planning for the next opportunity to interview for a like role at another company.

Remember:  it's when you experience comfortable that you should be fearful, considering it's a sign that you're not stepping far enough out of your comfort zone to take steps that volition aid you rise and thrive. By rethinking your fears using the iv steps above, y'all tin come to see apprehension as a teacher and guide to help you reach your near important goals.